Just a little pumped!

New Years Is going to be so SICK

Todosantos- omg we got it

http://www.myspace.com/todosantos

Ninja Sonik- Tight Pants

http://www.ninjasonik.com/

In other news, I AM SO FUCKING BORED. JESUS CHIRST SOMEONE KIDNAP ME ALREAEDY

end of the year, sort of, kind of, not really

As of this moment there are only a few short hours before I have to move back to long island (Only for five weeks, but moving back nonetheless) and I have never wanted to not do something so much in my life. This whole week I've had waves of happiness in my surroundings, even if it is coughing my lungs out with my roommate, or working until ridiculous hours in the work room (PS, if anyone ask me one more time if I do actual work in design school, I think I might shank them. Try doing a quarter of the shit I crank out and see if it isn't overwhelming) with Elise and John, where it hits me that I have to go back. I can state it a million times though it doesn't change anything, Long Island is a great place but it isn't for me. It is so strange when you know for a fact that you are going to become depressed. It doesn't help that it coincides with the winter months that always consistently manages to make a social hermit. I just don't want to leave this situation. I adore everyone I've met here. I never thought I would love college so much, though I don't know if it is college or the fact that I am somewhat on my own.

Before I start making end of the year list and whatnot I just feel the urge to do one of the boring reflections. I know essentially I am the same person I was a year ago, the girl who just wants to help her friends, is somewhat a floater, an external optimist though internally hard on herself. I know I am still all these things, but god! This year has changed me so much too. I am so much more aware of the good and bad in people, and though you may consider it to be a bad thing, that i may be taken advantage of, I don't care. Every happy moment, and ever moment that was less than stellar taught me something about myself and the people involved. I like myself, I know I am a good person, people care and like me. Who could ask for anything better. Knowing that people like you for you and not what you represent. I'm not afraid to tell people I care about that they mean something to me. I know this year that:

• I am good enough to be alone, but I'm even better with people. I should let said people add onto my happiness instead of take it away.
  
• I don't have to be bitter to be funny
  
• people actually care about me
  
• people actually want to be around me
  
• When someone hurts you it isn't the end of the world, that there is someone else waiting around the corner to make things better
  
• Never take the simplest of friendships for granted
  
• When you see the faults in people don't deny them, embrace and work around them. If things just keep on getting worse it is okay to leave.
  
• Leave no ends untied.

It is sad, and it is sappy, but it is true. I am so happy with myself, and I am so happy with my life. P. to the fucking S.: That 3 list of goals I had for the end of the year, I actually completed... creepy.

The difference a year makes. I can't remember who, but I compared these pictures and showed them to another person. They flipped out just a little, it was odd. I don't think I've changed that much. (They are halloweens a year apart.)

I've had a pretty kick ass year, so I am just going to list all the things and people that made it awesome. In no order:

Yamilee Duroseau, F.I.T., End of high school/ beginning of college, the month of october and of march, The Square [aka Michele, Carly, Holly and myself], The secret best friend, CMJ, Patrick Wolf Live, Gravy Train live, TV on the Radio live, Voxtrot live, every show I've basically seen this year, Michelle Pang, Brooklyn, the play/techies, Of Montreal live, Alex, the room mate, Elise, Julia, the brits, Johny, Kristen,  ABM people, Michele's house at all times of the year, Mc Carren pool parties, Studio B, back seats of cars, flickr, My nikon d50 and its sweat ass lens, concert photos and getting that one amazing shot, the opposite sex, Ninjas and Robots, Taco bell, My busted brown converse gray bag black jeans and white v-next, pace people, granola, sketch books,  Bari, The LIRR, the 1 line, knowing the subway system way too well, the youth of my family, independce. Every person who has told me the love me, the few and the good on the island. The car [white pony], sunrise highway and 7th ave, neon lights, stages, fast friends. good times, everyone who has made me smile, and everyone who as ever made me upset.

Okay, albums listened to this year, and then I am out! Its missing a shit load, but whatever.

Some more...

You know its sad when you are having thoughts in class concerning what you are going to update your blog with. It is very sad.

Things are winding down, people are beginning to pack, and I (more so than anyone else I speak to) don't want to leave. I don't want to go home. Everyone, including self, needs a break from school, so the notion of a vacation is fine by me. But the fact that is a little over a month in the winter is just too much to comprehend. It is strange when you know for a fact that you are going to become depressed. This just works for me, not being home, and the thought of going back to that special kind of Long Island cold to wake up, go to work, come back home, sleep or possibly go out to a friend's house, just seems so hopeless. I don't want to do it, I don't want to go home. I had my time on that island, it is time for me to move on.

On a happier note, something within the last week makes me feel as though I am a step closer to finally being... complete. There is still that underlying worry I will always feel as long as I know and care about the people I know. However, this time I can just sit back. It is at a point where... how can I word this. If any aspect of my life were to suddenly become an overwhelmingly dramatic, I think I could manage it. I don't think my past will be an issue anymore, and that the future (with the exception of winter break) is going to look bright. People in this city aren't as stand-offish as everyone would like to make it seem. You don't completely change when you leave for college in most cases. You just become a better/worse version of yourself. I can safely say that I becoming a better version.

The thing is, I have no clue what being me is, so I guess you can say I am becoming better.

 

OH! Because the month of November was such a bust in terms of going out, I've got this urge to just go out all the time now. I know it is finals, and for the most part I am on top of everything. My work will get done, it will be done in advance, and it will be done well. I've just got to start exploring more, I've just got to meet more people, I just have to...dance

If you want more photos from the Japanther show (Dec 1, 2007), go to my flickr!