Tuesday, October 30, 2007
whateves
Really, its unnatural for a black and /or dominican person to like electronica so much.
I wish there was a word that could describe to the general public how crazy my life is becoming, and I hope it just turns into a constant mad house (it keeps my mind from wondering). I've been doing the things I love to do as much as my heart wants, and it is just surreal. School, well, school is blah, no matter if you go to an actual college with an actual campus, or my lovely little FIT. It taken me a while, but I think I've made a base of good school friends (still waiting for the hardcore bond within someone), and good city friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, the girls around here are some of the worse the tri-state has to offer, and there is just something so painful about art school types that makes me dread leaving my hard twin campus bed. However, for the most part I am pretty happy. I have to make sure I am still grounded though, keeping in contact with old friends and with the family. School work is odd, I always think I am so behind, but when I sit down and do it, it kinda works. I blame it on the fact that this is only my first semester and that it will only go down from here. I've done some self validation, that it actually makes sense that I go here, like underneath all my projects and needless usage of tracing paper, I've got some type of talent, I've just got to find it (thank you SHA).
So where to start? Oh! I decided I have three solid goals for the end of the year:
1.Buy a website- This makes everything easier in the business sense. If I'm honestly looking to get into the profession I'm thinking, I need somewhere to host my online portfolio or something. And I have to get somewhat better with flash. It is just a matter if I want it to be a blog style (which means it would have been POINTLESS for me to switch to blogger) or just something to show off what I've done.
2.I need to make a businesses card- Because everyone and their fucking uncle has one in the city, and I've never been asked so many times in one week if I had one. Of course fucking not, I am a first year art student, do you think I've planned that far ahead? Come on!
3.There is a rebound in order- This, I think might be the hardest of all the task just because I've become so fucking picky. I'm good, but in order to be fully healed, I think I just have to be with someone else (even if it comes down to the notion of just using/ being used).
See, I don't think those goals are too out of the ordinary. The last one might need some work because I've become a little of a bitch (sorry), and I kinda go to a school where only 20% males, and most of them aren't that into chicks (its just a fact).
SO yeah, I guess I should talk about CMJ right.
October 16. Was assigned to Neimo, tested out my new lenses, networked. Walked to see the Rosebuds and Voxtrot. Show was amazing, but I also had the biggest panic attack of my life, which involved my puking when I got back home, and barely any sleep.
October 17. The Dim mak showcase at the delancy, ended up going alone. Most of the bands where good/ mind-blowing with a couple of exceptions. More networking, no cards to hand out. Now don't get me wrong, I really do love taking concert photos, it could even be considered one of my passions, but 7pm to 2am is just a little excessive with limited breaks.
October 18. I had the CLE panel, and more networking than I could handle. The only issue was, I really had no reason for networking because I've never looked into the actually music business as a profession. Stayed there from 9am to 5pm with only 4 hours of sleep. Got back to the dorm and got ready for MIA, which ended up being the only show I didn't take pictures at. My god did she throw down, and I decided that I just really love to dance like a mad woman toward the back of venues when I can't be upfront for whatever reason. Though Terminal 5 makes me want to have a press pass stapled onto my forehead at all times.
October 19. I actually went to my 8:30 am class the next day. Classes weren't at all unbearable like most fridays, though apparently I am a shitty writer (I know this, it is the reason why I go to art school and why I am not a history major. I just hate proof reading a lot for some odd reason). Came back to my dorm around 5:30pm, and honestly cannot remember what I did until 9:30pm. Went out to dinner with Julia and her boyfriend Oliver. Had some drinks, couldn't get into trash (I need an ID so badly it kills me), went to Studio B in brooklyn (fuck rush, that place is the new fall back) to see MSTRKRFT. Left Julia and Oliver at the door because I had to piss like woah, find out they couldn't get in. Thought I was a lone and fucked. Find Antwan, hang with him up front. Gonzalez comes as MSTRKRFT is playing. Don't ask me how, but I get on stage and start taking shots like mad (most of them at a little mind blowing). Dance a little. The whole thing ends around 4am, and then I'm fucked. Alone in BK, AWESOME. I don't care if I'm walking the streets of Garden City at 4 in the morning, I am not walking alone. Make nice with some random dudes, ditch them after the conversation gets too odd. Get back to the dorm around 5ish, still wearing heals.
October 20. The only thing I know for sure is I have a shit load of work left over from the week, and that I must go to the justice after party. So in between doing work and constantly passing out because my body won't let me sleep past 10, 9:30 p.m. arrives. Get ready. Blair, Nick and Alex come over, we leave to go to BK again. Find out Erol Alkan isn't playing until 1am, at this time its 11:45pm. Walk to Williamsburg hall of music, catch Matt & Kim, give a random girl a really harsh look (though she really didn't deserve it), walk back to studio b around 1. Everyone has disappeared, and for all of one song, we are together. The shitty part about it all was that I was told that Justice was playing at 3, and I'm pretty sure I told my whole gang, only to have everyone leave but Elise, who is my new life. Erol puts on a great set, but only Xavier of Justice plays. But that isn't the important part of this extremely long story. It is the fact that I some how manage to get practically on the DJ booth to take photos (and didn't manage to fall off). Elise and I walk back to the dorms around 5:30am, and I decide that dancing... well dancing will be my new escape.
October 21. CMJ over, I have nothing to do with my life. Except make up for five days worth of sleep, type homework, studio skills...etc.
October 22. Feel a little overwhelmed when I wake up and notice I have to go through and edit over 2000 photos with a shitty jump drive. Go to class, sit there because I have such a shitty habit of finishing things early. Get out of class, procrastinate until 5, in which I manage to somehow read and absorb 3 chapters of text. Get ready to head to terminal 5, to see Justice, you know, that band I saw a DAY earlier. But this time, woah, this time was something surreal. The crowd could have been better, as with most crowds, but you know that every person there just wanted to embrace... something.
To sum it up:
-hi, My name is Elaan. I go to school, I take concert photos, I dance, I don't sleep, i don't have time to eat, and my life is pretty much swell.
For all those reasons and more, I am really glad I am on my own. There is still much more I have to do before I am fully independent, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely. If I stayed on the island, I'm pretty sure I'd be in the greatest depression of my life, even if I was commuting. I know some of the most amazing people in the world from my experiences, and I will have to go back during the winter and summer breaks. But i know i can't live there. Its just not right.
if the 8 year old me met the 18 year old me... wow.
and I'm really pumped to see what the city has to offer for halloween.
There was more i wanted to say... but I forget. LOOK AT MY FLICKR FOR ALL THE PHOTOS!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/2721rollsofkodak/
Friday, October 5, 2007
I'm in a really good mood
I am clearly the white male on the left hand side of that picture.
I think... actually, let me change that. I know that I am missing that part of my brain that allows me to be really upset over a guy. Especially when it involves other girls. And I wish, I wish I could. I've been upset over the things numerous things that guys have said directly to me, but when some male were to choose another girl over me... I don't feel a sense of loss. Instead I feel absolutely nothing. You may be thinking “you are so lucky” and it isn't as though I've got a thing for pain. I just wish my emotions weren't so limited. I just wish the only two negative emotions I feel weren't confined to “sad/depressed” and a little “mad/angry”. I hope you understand what I mean...
That being said, I cannot do this constantly going out thing, I need to learn how to just sit on the side. I feel like I am abnormally behind in my work (which really isn't the case) and i'm not treating myself right (which is the case). I've actually considered missing class (which isn't going to happen, its not that I love my classes that much or that I am huge nerd. Its just that I have this overwhelming sense that I will miss something important if I do). I know this is college, and I know I am in the city, but getting trashed in dorm rooms for just the sake of it just sometimes doesn't seem worth it. I'd much rather be dancing the hours away.
Sometimes yahoo news has the stupidest coverage stories, I can't handle it.
Well, I've been writing this entry for a while, I haven't had the full blown urge to write one whole entry and post it. So this is going to seem a little off:
It is so funny how a voicemail can completely throw you off. I normally don't check that stuff for weeks, it is a bad habit i know (its normally my mother, and I'll call her back). I wake up after a coma like slumber, and check it, and I've been out of it. Thankfully I couldn't understand most of what was said, (this is a good thing). It is the fact that he left it that has thrown me for a loop
You know how you have people in your life you rather forget for one reason or another? It wasn't the time, it was everything that happened after. I hate it when he is brought up, and every time I come close to... letting go of “all the hurt”, I'm put back in August. I'm put back in that spot when someone actually made me depressed, instead of me being the cause of my own unhappiness... I hate the fact that someone has that power over me. I think the secret reason why I'm allowing myself go back into the romantic scene is because I want someone else to push out the remainders of a... bad ending. I loved what we had, but I am happy its over. Its to the point where any contact isn't good for me.
I'm in a really good mood, here are pictures:
CMJ is in 11 days... I'm just a little pumped.. and I need to figure out the HTML here, its just so confusing.
Labels:
Animal Collective,
Nightlife,
Patrick Wolf,
Webster Hall
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